Bacon is amazing. I could end the article there but my soul will not rest until I talk about bacon for a lot longer. In fact, my soul will never fully rest because I literally can not talk about bacon enough. I’m even gonna post a video on my Youtube channel when I find the words to express my love for bacon. Still until I can go one month straight eating noting but bacon my soul won’t rest. I know that the heart attack is not worth so I’ll just always have that dream… the unreachable dream. However, should a doctor tell me I have a month left to live it is going down.
I know a lot of people who like bacon but no shit that’s like the same amount of people who like breathing. Unfortunately there are people who have forbidden themselves from eating bacon, poor fools. Now I don’t mean the people who choose not to because it is forbidden by your religion, I understand and respect that, I mean the terrorists.
EVERYONE admits the bacon is delicious. Vegetarians on the other hand admit it but choose not to eat for some kind of health non-sense about, “Meat is bad for you…. Our bodies aren’t made to consume meat… I hate happiness and children laughter.” Those are quotes I have literally heard ALL vegetarians and vegans say. My problem with them is not that they don’t eat meat it’s that we have to hear about it. All. The. Fucking. Time. Leave me alone. I don’t try to shove my meat down your throat [unless you're my girlfriend] so keep your fucking twigs and leafs away from me.
Asswipes (People who don’t eat pork)
My oldest sister got married to a man who doesn’t eat pork and never has. I respect him possibly more than I respect 99.4% of people I know, he’s just awesome The Ruler of Awesomeness really. But he doesn’t eat pork therefore he too is an Asswipe. My sister has also stop eating pork and now claims if she eats it she’ll suffer a stomach ache. Running for 4 miles and doing 100 push-ups hurt. Vaccinations hurt. Basically anytime your body realizes it’s time to stop being a bitch it’s gonna hurt. Man up.
Back To Bacon
None of this matters to me because I feel like bacon doesn’t even count as a meat, it’s a condiment. Like ketchup, mustard, mayo, chocolate syrup, hot sauce, etc. hell I’ll even go far enough to call it a seasoning. Actually, no… to far. Still you get my point.
I’m sure you all have had salad with bacon bits in it… doesn’t it stop being a task of Eat The Salad and become a wonderful game of Find The Bacon!! The was a rhetorical question cause yes… yes it does… it ALWAYS does. Once all the bacon is gone you say, “Fuck you salad” and if anyone tells you to just finish it you might get gangsta and “pull outcho piece on dey bitch ass.” I like to keep a gun next to of my plate of bacon, DRAMATIC decrease in judgmental looks and people telling about my damn arteries.
I’m actually getting sick of writing so here’s a bunch of bacon themed shit. Don’t get me wrong I’ll never really be done talking about my love of bacon but now I want bacon so… Okay bye!
Hold up, hold up, hold up… I didn’t explain what makes a vegetarian a terrorist did I?… my bad.
- Becoming a Carnivore – 5 Reasons To Start Eating Meat in 2012! (elephantjournal.com)
- bacon croutons (buffetoblog.wordpress.com)
- Again? Yes, Again. (amixofitall.wordpress.com)
- 60 Inedible Bacon Products – From Porktastic Paintings to Swine Strummers (TrendHunter.com) (trendhunter.com)
- Proper bacon (saffronmagazine.wordpress.com)